this is the first of the stories i wrote for “if you give a girl a pen…”
on tuesdays, my friend sarah was posting ‘tuesday storybook picture.’
she would put up a picture, and writers would comment with their story, the only rules being that it must be pg-13, and that you can’t read others’ stories before you post your own.
everyone else wrote something entirely different for this one, as my only internet connection at the time was on my g1 (the google phone), and i only saw one of the like ten flashing pictures. the picture that froze on my screen was the one of the eye with pink eyeshadow and a ton of mascara….
so anyway, this is the picture, and underneath that is what the picture made me think of and write about….
I felt like a complete fraud. The truth is that I was, but I couldn’t let on.
My face was caked in unfamiliar makeup and my name was supposedly Amber––or was it Jade?
Crap. Which is it? Jade. Yes. Jade for sure.
You’d think doing these undercover stings time and time again, I’d be used to them.
Well, not this time.
This time was different.
I had to be so unlike myself. It was one thing to be a cop, but quite another to be an actress.
The drug stuff I could handle. Easy enough – act laid back, learn the people and the lingo. Cake.
This hooker thing…I don’t know..
I already mentioned the makeup, which made me uncomfortable as hell. Pink and purple 1980’s shadows with so much mascara I could catch a fly if I shut my eye at the right time. The absolute worst part was the fishnets. They were completely riding up my ass, along with this damned g-string, but I couldn’t fix them, for fear of ripping them to shreds.
Yeah, I was a hooker (for the night), but I still had some standards. Right….
Again. Fraud.
My job was to meet this John in room 513 of the Old Towne Motel. Creative name. It was as nasty as it sounds. I still had twenty minutes. I guess I’d bide my time smoking.
I’m not a smoker, but I figured if I at least pretended, and therefore reeked of smoke, the John would find me more believable.
How did I end up in this situation?? Female cops always get the short end of the stick. I was as tough as any male, but they’d never let me prove it.
Advice––don’t choose a man’s profession. You’ll never get ahead.
I’m getting a bit off track, but so what. All I’m doing is waiting. Maybe he’ll be so damned horny he’ll show up early.
I should reapply my lipstick. I’ve noticed it’s slowly disappearing. It’s being reapplied to the cigarette filters.
Yep, I reach in my fancy pleather purse full of all kinds of sex toys and other goodies––a girl scout’s gotta be prepared, right?!?!! K, I found it. Ooh, nice and shimmery. Fabulous shade of pink. Looks like my grandmother’s. In fact, maybe it is. Is this one of the ones she pawned off on me, thinking I’d actually wear it? Well, if so, she was right. I don’t think this is what she had in mind, though.
Oh, wait a minute. I think I see him. I’m gonna pull out my phone and check the email with his picture attached. Yep. It’s him.
One final check for my wires––hope they’re working fine tonight. Don’t wanna end up in the morning paper….
I think everything’s set.
Please cross your fingers for this fraud. I’m headed over to make him the deal of a lifetime.
Man, I need a new job.
By Eden on 03.24.09 10:40 pm |
**ETA 7.12.09 — I revisited this story today because I’m doing something else with it. As it was a quick exercise, I did no editing at the time. Wow! Normally I’m not that horrible with staying in the correct tense. Granted, I’m not that great with first person POV, but still.
This thing has massive errors. When I’m done, I’ll post the revision so y’all can see the difference. It’s huge!!**
want email updates?
“Give A Guy A Girl”-
“Who the hell is this chick?”
“That’s good. That’s how I want you to sound, more nervous than confident the whole way through. Remember, she has to be made to question who you are and if her objectives are correct, Okay!? Now let’s try the next part, ready? GO!”
“My buddy said I could trust that your boss’s dating service was legit. Sorry, I don’t doubt that it is it’s just that I’ve always been kind of a skeptic, just a skeptic; not …paranoid or anything. This is actually my first time doing something like this so,…please forgive me if I seem a little bit uncomfortable. I really am a gentleman. It’s just well,… my wife passed away twelve years ago and it’s only been until recently that I’ve actually thought about dating again.”
“That’s right good… right volume, good intonation, sounds natural. Just think of yourself as a gentleman okay. You’ll be fine. Trust me. And yes for this occasion, don’t be startled if she responds as if she’s pissed off. She’s been underground for three months now and she finally broke through the surface. We secretly partner with her agency. But absolutely nobody must know besides Thee top guy, me, and the guy below the top guy on either side. On our side that’s you. On their side the guy below the top guy must bring up the recruit below him, the third person, very slowly and very carefully. He cannot allow himself to be made aware of by anyone except her, the third person.
That’s why until this case is over, he remains homeless yet stays in radio contact, kinda tricky but he’s the best at it.
Yeah I’m sure he loves it, wife and kids too!
Uh, Okay so if she goes something like” You damn right this is legitimate dating service… So mind your manners like your mother taught you ,got it? No funny stuff stuff Mr. I will call my pimp, I mean my boss, to put a slug up yo ass!! I mean it!!!
“You say something like (with full sincerity mind you …REMember!) “No! No! No funny stuff! It’s okay I got it! I’m just here for a good time that’s all whatever you say goes, I swear miss, Seriously.”
“Okay she must think of you as a nervous guy, sensitive, not cocky like a killer, someone who is on her side. She must start to wonder if this whole thing is a setup. Now she has been instructed to shoot you in the heart upon tip off time… which is 7:37 which gives you seven minutes to convince her otherwise because she is under the impression that you have been sent to kill her by a rival pimp- Mr. Juan Dagger in order to take over territory for his girls to do business. But you must remember the main objective is to get to her pimp before Juan Dagger gets to her. You are looking for the lowest enumerator on their side, Dr. Franklin Sharp…aka Sharpy or Dr. Franklin or Dr. Sharp but never Dr. Sharpy! If you call him Dr. Sharpy he will pull an eighteen inch blade from his kane and stick you in the stomach with it. That’s his rule.
Right, got it! Yeah, I got it it’s just that the description reads female prospect has no idea client is top level agent.
That’s right. Once you get to her pimp known as Dr. Franklin, to reach level red, like street level where the stop signs are,… prospect must be kept at observation, she must be made to question her own agenda and be made to extend her timing for conclusion of her won initiatives as documented by her agency. Once she catches on, you will not be killed. I repeat you will not be killed. This is why we make the money. Okay, it’s called trust.
How can you be so sure I will not be killed?
Because she will suddenly remember that there was no stamp on the back of her initiatives. After she begins to read into you, start counting how many times and for how long she looks at you. If she looks at you longer than three seconds, she’s questioning herself! So pay attention! All right it’s time. Be own your way and good luck. ”
“What NOw.?
Yes now! And keep that little hearing aid on in between three and four. If you go over four the feedback will cause a screetch, and the whole thing gets fucked. So don’t mess with it. On you go!
“What a freak show this is gonna be. I just wanted to meet a nice girl; someone like me who just wanted something normal, to get to know one another, have a relationship and be happy not so lonely, dinner, then a nice walk maybe, and perhaps sit for awhile on a park bench somewhere cozy overlooking the river.
But shit,… wait! What time is it? Where is my watch? OH yeah, my POcket.!
“Put the watch on your wrist sir.”
Who was that?”
It’s just me sir, Brooks. Remember, I’m on your side.
Brooks, right got it!
It’s OKay sir! Calm down, RElax.. IT’s only,
WHAT?
7:23 sir… are you synced?
Just about!… gimme the seconds. I’m almost there.
7:23 coming up on twenty five seconds. Be synced at thirty seconds counting down now from 5, 4, 3, 2,1..
Marked, synced got it. Are we ready now?
Very good sir. I was nervous for about a second. But now I think we have it together.
Alright good! Shall I commence full acting procedures to myself then?
Yes sir you may commence full acting procedures at anytime. We will know that you are acting on you mark, sir,. Whenever you are ready, you may go ahead as planned.
“She said before 7:45pm that’s right… between 7:30 and 7:45pm.
I remember now she said before 8pm, or was it before 7:48pm, or 38 for that matter, hmm? She said she would meet me here, at the Old Towne Hotel, in the bathroom, the John, in Room 513 and we would go from there… But what then,… Oh shit, .. don’t get nervous…… Okay good no response from them. I really am on my own now….pulling up to the Hotel… now.